Friday, November 10, 2006


According to a key operative from my Muskingum-based army of superintelligent deer, the red van narrowly missed missing Muskingum county at about 2:45 tonight. Not perfect grammar, I know, but pretty good for a deer. Clarification was required on the county status of a Palmer Road, and assistance was called upon in the form of a littermate of one of the travellers. Deer do not differentiate between brothers and sisters, they just call them all littermates.

Due to his hyperdeveloped sense of smell, the deer operative was able to confirm that food supplies are more than adequate to last the scant few hours remaining in the journey. Of course, deer routinely eat, like, all of their food so that a bunch of them die. Not my superintelligent army of deer, of course. They are fed a diet of the finest genetically engineered hay from the slopes of one of three hills in southern Peru, grown by a family of haygrowers that has done nothing but grow hay since Francisco Pizarro was in diapers. They're the best. As a training tool and a reward for supplying valuable information, the deer are sometimes allowed a taste of the fabled "salt lick of 7 kings." I know one deer who's slated for some lick time once he's off duty tonight! Anyway, my point is that I'm not sure I trust a deer's opinion on the adequacy of food supplies.

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